A salute, not a tribute

A friend of mine told me last night he wants to learn to play chess.
It was a long 30 minute drive home after that.

My late Uncle O taught me to play chess. I must have been 8, or 10, or somewhere there. It takes a special man to be willing to have the patience to teach a kid how to throw a ball, let alone chess.

He had this electronic chess board, the type that hot shot enthusiasts use to play against themselves.
So I now knew how to play chess, I whipped out his electronic board. I broke his electronic board.I tried to unbreak his electronic board, which obviously meant I broke it more.

Of course he discovered it, of course he knew it was me.He never mentioned it.

That’s grace in teaching me. That’s style in never mentioning the spilt milk. That’s the kind of echoing score that wins you prayers long after you’re gone.

I’m sure there was plenty else like that, but this one I remember.

SUB *conscious*

It’s a popular term: Subconscious.
It’s a freaky concept.Sub (under) Conscious (awareness).

It’s almost an oxymoron. If something is BELOW our consciousness, how can it ever be a part of it. We can’t be held responsible for it. Does it even exist until it manifests itself? If it doesn’t, then at the point it manifests itself is the point at which it becomes consciousness.
This isn’t mere semantics, I’m basing it on the way I use the term, and have heard the term used.

I just find it very unsettling that my mind is off doing things without letting me know about it, leaving me to deal with its consequences without being either responsible for its roots, or aware of its remedy.

I wish it would just speak up, let itself be known. (or do I SUB—-CONSCIOUSLY want it to remain elusive, so I can always wonder? I wonder….)
I think the concept is a tidy to way to explain away our shortcomings. I like it.

I Googled it, to make sure I wasn’t making any obvious, stupid error in this, which I am prone to do, more than prone, predisposed even. (see theres my subconscious, subconsciously I WANT to make stupid errors to validate this claim of my clumsiness, and to invite comment)
Old Freud seemed to agree that it was abused:

“If someone talks of subconsciousness, I cannot tell whether he means the term topographically — to indicate something lying in the mind beneath consciousness — or qualitatively — to indicate another consciousness, a subterranean one, as it were. He is probably not clear about any of it. The only trustworthy antithesis is between conscious and unconscious.”

So when I make errors, or realise too late the things I want or need, or don’t, I can just fall back and pin it on a reason related to poor communication from the sub-conscious.

But what if it DOES exist, and it IS real, then its of key importance that I knock that damn door down and access it before future mistakes, delays.

This isn’t a psych essay, I don’t know where dreams come from (answer to Shafinaaz).

There’s definately something beyond our immediate perception, something internal, but it sure is a major bummer if its so important yet remains hidden.

Is it what it is?

I wrote this after reading a post by Shafinaaz, to be found here.
I wonder about how virtual personas, actual virtual conversations, really differ from the real life versions. My immediate thought was that the real life version had to be the more real version, as it didn’t offer the opportunity to “adjust”, its immediate, unlike the virtual.
But a second thought was that in the real life version, there is more noise too, more clouding of the real by perception, possibly less honesty of the individual due to personal shyness, or expressiveness.
Maybe the virtual offers a person to be more honest and brave, maybe that moment to adjust allows more honesty, better expressed.

I still wonder, I now try to draw whatever I see in the virtual that I dont see in the real, into the real.To test if it is there, and I just need to break some boundary with the person in the flesh, that has already been erased in the virtual.
I don’t like dichotomy’s, and I feel uneasy walking away from a real encounter, feeling that it didn’t match to the virtual.

I still don’t know which is the more true, and to an extent I wonder if perhaps I shouldn’t seek some harmony. That perhaps even if there is no harmony, I can still appreciate the virtual persona in itself, aside from the real.
Of course harmony would be best. There are real people that I don’t have virtual interactions with, whose company I treasure, why not the inverse. Virtual persona’s and people who’s real company I never partake of.

Knee jerk is to say that’s dangerous, that the real must always triumph, I don’t deny that, I’m not saying erase the real, I would even say prioritise the real a very very long way ahead of the virtual, but I am saying that the virtual has a value in itself, as a seperate entity. Gmail chat buddies, Facebook personalities, Twitter updaters, bloggers…

I don’t which is more real though, I do know I prefer the real, because its more emotionally real.More human.I also know that I enjoy the virtual.Not in spite of what it lacks from the real, but maybe because of it.And yes, I know that’s dangerous, because it may mean eventually I withdraw from the real, but I am vigilant around that, and as I said, I PREFER the real.

I’m waiting for my third thought on the matter, which may flip the first two.

Martyr for minorities

Che Guevara
Martin Luther King
Mahatma Ghandi
Rosa Parks
Steve Biko
Simon Bolivar
Samora Machel
Omar Mukhtar…
&
Marwa Sherbini

Marwa Sherbini was murdered in a courtroom during a case in which she had sued her killer after he called her a “terrorist” due to her wearing her headscarf.The murderer appealed against his fine, and during the hearing stabbed Ms Sherbini 18 times.

Marwa was a 31 year old Egyptian pharmacist in a foreign country, who worked whilst her husband pursued a PHD, a mother of 2 with a third in her belly. On these credentials alone, her strength is evident.
It was in a public park, when she asked the murderer if her 3 year old could use a swing, that he labelled her a terrorist for wearing her headscarf, a symbol of gentle modesty.

This Woman did not bow to the easier course of action.
She did not frown and cringe, and slink away, indignant. She stood firm, and in doing so, one always stands tall.She utilised a system of true justice that allows for victims of hate speech to defend their rights, to bring this act of inhumanity to account.

Her 3 year old son, Mustafa, was in court that day to watch his mum, the lady who tucked him in at night, standing up to represent an entire universal value system.
Marwa Sherbini may not have lived through an extended period of struggle, but her individual act of courage, to go to court in defence of her civil human right against discrimination places her amongst historys heroes.

Marwa will always tower in the hearts and minds of every victim of injustice. She could easily have ignored the incident like so many others, dismissed it as trivial, giving the killer and all his kind further rope to breed their injustice.
Marwa did not.

She could easily have feared the consequences of being a noisy member of a minority.
Marwa overcame that fear.

Her husband could easily have persuaded her to hush her complaint, fearful of the consequences for his family.
Instead he rushed to her side.

Marwa is more than an icon for the oppressed; she is a role model for justice.Her murder is tragic. But I do not mourn her murder; I celebrate her courage.She should have been in the headlines the world over just for taking a stand, and in so doing re-igniting the flame for one of humanities most endearing qualities: Courage.

May every person who is marginalised, every person who is mocked for being fat, short, black, Arab, Jewish, female, albino, poor, or in any other way a target, take heart in the actions of your mother, your patron, Marwa Sherbini.
Draw courage to stand firm, to speak out, or at least draw strength from her in your patience. Never again feel like a victim. Do not feel pity for yourself, feel pity for your tormentor.
Feel pity for the feebleness of his mind that has succumbed to a perspective moulded by others. Feel pity for the shallowness of his esteem.
Never again feel like a victim.

Harvest your feelings to action, righteous action so that the divide between you and ‘them’ is filled with justice; not anger, not hatred.

Marwa Sherbini, may your soul continue with light to eternity, and may your actions be held in the hearts of all those in need. The soul of a martyr lives on forever in the next realm, and their memory in this one.

In celebration of her courage - Marwa al-Sherbini

Night is a whisper

Sleep is so good.
It’s a return to the womb.
Dark, warm, comfortable, protected, SILENT.
A very much appreciated shut down of the mind machine.
A silencing of the millions of thoughts: happiness, sadness, planning, obligation, guilt, aspiration, regret, frustration, confusion, computation, optimism, cynicism, scrutiny, vigilance, indecision, pleasure, pain.
A silencing of the mundane, the sublime, the pure, the corrupt.

We are * shut down *.

A pleasant mercy, a return to our first physical state. A 7 hour return to the womb.
Feeling drowsy…

<post indirectly motivated by Shafs note on power cuts>

My afrikaans re-awakening.

Kop Skop
Spinnekoppe in my kop,
Skielik wil ek jou uitskop,
Maar tot daarop,
Weet dat ek hou dop.

(An afrikaans poem inspired in traffic, sorry Steve B, I was just surprised I could rhyme in Afrikaans)

Get what you pay for…

The recent Doctors strike got me thinking again about remuneration in the public sector. The more I mulled, and discussed, the more stupefied I was.

Teachers, Policemen, Doctors, Nurses. These are the people in the frontline of creating and sustaining a healthy society. Tasks that are obviously of overwhelming importance. Yet, jobs that rank near the bottom of the salary scale. Where’s the logic?

In normal corporate logic, that machine of widely acclaimed empirically derived efficiency, the most strategic people in an organisation are given the best remuneration. So those whose actions have the widest impact, ie nearer the top, get the best salary, so as to attract and retain the best.
If we apply the same logic to society as a whole, then all of the jobs mentioned above should be the best paid, because they form the frontline of healthy society, ie smart people, safe people, healthy people. Without being smart, safe or healthy, the human machine isn’t in much of a position to function.

All over the world this should apply, more so in a developing nation which is in a more desperate situation of needing these basic blocks to be established.

I would even extend the call for improved pay to other civil servants, all people working in government are employees of society, servicing its broadest needs. I have high respect of people in the civil service for this reason. And there are those who say if they gave better service, they should get better pay. But I think to attract better, we have to first pay better. If the job of Government is to create infrastructure for society to function in, physical and social infrastructure, then surely we should want our best and smartest working at that as that would be the foundation of all else that occurs in our environment.

I acknowledge a few problems with this call though, the first of course being funding. I personally think we should have a basic salary of R800k (that’s an arb figure that seems high enough) for the primary functions, ie Education, Health, Safety, less of course for new entrants, more for accomplished members. But how do we pay for this? No idea.
But let us consider that a more educated society has proven to be more productive, so theoretically, the investment in salaries in education would pay for itself through improved productivity of learners who eventually enter the workforce.
In terms of safety too, crime has a real cost, and improved policing would reduce those costs, through eventually reducing the amount of policing required, the costs of maintaining the legal processes to deal with criminals, the costs of housing criminals, insurance costs, replacement costs, public healthcare costs for victims…
Healthcare is a bit trickier in terms of the cost savings, it would definately impact on productivity, preventive costs are cheaper than curative costs etc

Of all the above though, more significant than the financial offsets, is that these are basic human rights, and having any respect for the dignity of human beings should be more than enough of a motivator for pushing for improved services.

The Quran says in Chapter 95, vs 4: ” We have indeed created man in the best of moulds”, it is vital that we at least create an environment which facilitates the ability of man to realize his full potential. Without the basic blocks in place, a healthy society, man is limited in his natural tendency to this goodness.
[More about Islam and the dignity of Man can be found by clicking this link.]

A sort of Maslow’s hierarchy applied at a society wide level.

A second major challenge, and where the public sector would differ from the private, is monitoring. In corporates, an individuals performance is diligently scrutinized to ensure that his salary is justified. There isn’t the same degree of monitoring in the public sector and this would be critical. It would be foolish to just drive up salaries whilst maintaining and attracting the same quality and enthusiasm of the employees.

Diagnosing problems is easy of course, but being vocal is the first step. When the challenge is realised as being sufficiently important, people will respond with their ability to answer the solutions.

Also a disclaimer, there may be tons of inherent complexity involved in what I’ve said, that I’m ignorant of, but until i’m enlightened, I think it makes sense. There are plenty of more involved, academic papers on this topic, above is the blog version of the gripe.

On education, below is a quote from a paper by Paula Armstrong of Stellenbosch Univeristy.

“Teachers are seen as the “central actors in education, facilitators of learning, bringers of knowledge, brokers of relationships between pupils and the societies in which they live” (Voluntary Services Overseas [VSO], 2002). Within developing societies specifically, teachers are often perceived to be the central learning resource given the difficult working and living conditions prevalent in these societies. The scarcity of teaching resources often renders teachers the only channel through which society is able to achieve its educational aspirations. “Teachers interaction with learners is the axis on which educational quality turns” (VSO, 2002).

Steve Biko on Death

I’ve just read a collection of Steve Biko’s (a South African struggle hero) writings. This passage sums up the spirit of the man, relentless, highly intelligent, self-sacrificial, principled.
He was jailed for a particular incident, and this is an extract of an interview he had with an American journalist, hence the colloquial style, his writings were much more eloquent, polished.

Now it may be unlikely that you will be lucky enough to find yourself in jail for a political struggle, but its the principles that we hope to draw from, for our own struggles. I highly recommend the book as a read for South Africans, maybe not so much for foreigners ,you won’t appreciate the context as much.

On Death
You are either alive and proud or you are dead, and when you are dead, you can’t care anyway. And your method of death can itself be a politicizing thing. So you die in the riots. For a hell of a lot of them, in fact, there’s really nothing to lose – almost literally, given the kind of situations that they come from. So if you can overcome the personal fear for death, which is a highly irrational thing, you know, then you’re on the way.

And in interrogation the same sort of thing applies. I was talking to this policeman, and I told him, ‘If you want us to make any progress, the best thing is for us to talk. Don’t try any form of rough stuff, because it just won’t work.’ And this is absolutely true also. For I just couldn’t see what they could do to me which would make me all of a sudden soften to them. If they talk to me, well I’m bound to be affected by them as human beings. But the moment they adopt rough stuff, they are imprinting in my mind that they are police. And I only understand one form of dealing with police, and that’s to be as unhelpful as possible. So I button up. And I told them this: ‘ Its up to you.’ We had a boxing match the first day I was arrested. Some guy tried to clout me with a club. I went into him like a bull. I think he was under instructions to take it so far and no further, and using open hands so that he doesn’t leave any marks on the face. And of course he said exactly what you are saying just now: ‘ I will kill you.’ He meant to intimidate. And my answer was:’How long is it going to take you?’ Now of course they were observing my reaction. And they could see that I was completely unbothered. If they beat me up, it’s to my advantage. I can use it. They just killed somebody in jail – a friend of mine- about ten days before I was arrested. Now it would have been bloody useful evidence for them to assault me. At least it would indicate what kind of possibilities were there, leading to this guy’s death. So, I wanted them to go ahead and do what they could do, so that I could use it. I wasn’t really afraid that their violence might lead me to make revelations I didn’t want to make, because I had nothing to reveal on this particular issue.

I was operating from a very good position, and they were in a very weak position. My attitude is, I’m not going to allow them to carry out their program faithfully. If they want to beat me five times, they can only do so on condition that I allow them to beat me five times. If I react sharply, equally and oppositely, to the first clap, they are not going to systematically count the next four claps, you see.
It’s a fight. So if they had meant to give me so much of a beating, and not more, my idea is to make them go beyond what they wanted to give me and give back as much as I can give so that it becomes an uncontrollable thing.

You see the one problem this guy had with me: he couldn’t really fight with me because it meant he must hit back, like a man. But he was given instructions, you see, on how to hit, and now these instructions were no longer applying because it was a fight. So he had to withdraw and get more instructions.
So I said to them, ‘Listen, if you guys want to do this your way, you have got to handcuff me and bind my feet together so I can’t respond. If you allow me to respond, I’m certainly going to respond. And I’m afraid you may have to kill me in the process even if it’s not your intention.

Taken from : Steve Biko, I write what I like. Published by Picador Africa, available from leading bookstores.

The super Super-Hero

When I was younger Hulk was always my favorite super-hero. Because my brother had already picked Superman.
Yeah, I didn’t put much thought into it.

For my grown up life though, Batman is my favorite super-hero. He doesn’t have any super-powers but :
“Batman is a superhero because he fights crime and has a special car (i.e., the Batmobile).
A superhero isn’t necessarily defined by his powers, but rather, his zeal for fighting crime.”

By which definition James Bond should also then fall into the category of super-hero.

Batman and Bond beat the others BECAUSE they don’t have superpowers but still battle the baddies. That’s a whole lot of hard work put into becoming a crime-fighting machine. Not some magical gift that makes it easier, but rather the result of a deliberate decision to combat bad stuff.

Why Batman over Bond though? Because he’s just that much more humble, he uses the alter-ego, whilst crafting the true man to be a bit of a jerk just to throw people off, he doesn’t womanize like Bond, and he doesn’t trash his car as often. And Bond looks like he does it because he enjoys it, Batman looks like he does it because it needs to be done.

When I grow up, I want to be like Batman.

Marriage contract of Bilal Randeree & Amina Ebrahim

As a preamble Bilal asked me to include this:
Sahih Bukhari – Volume 7, Book 62, Number 157:
Narrated Al-Miswar bin Makhrama:
I heard Allah’s Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, “Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don’t give permission, and will not give permission unless ‘Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me.”

In the name of Allah, most Gracious, most Merciful

This is a marriage contract between Bilal Randeree and Amina Ebrahim
Preamble

“And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an, Surah Al Rum Verse 21)

We, BILAL RANDEREE and AMINA EBRAHIM, agree to take each other as marriage partners on the understanding that this contract shall regulate our relationship.

While Islam is quite clear that marriage is a contract or agreement between two people, it is distinguished in that it is a contract whose necessary component is love. We pray that our marriage will be blessed by the “love and mercy” of God, and we commit ourselves to constantly striving to ensure that love and caring are strong pillars of our relationship.

Having both descended from the first single human created by Allah, we acknowledge the basic equality of all people, and especially of each other insofar as our respective rights and responsibilities in our marriage are concerned.

Marriage involves the joining of two individuals with the purpose of forming a partnership that will combine our individual strengths, abilities, talents and skills. It will be a partnership based on interdependence, a mutually beneficial relationship where we each retain our individuality and personality but where the relationship is also accorded its significant place.

Together with love and caring, we commit ourselves to striving for a marriage characterised by mutual respect, appreciation, support, co-operation and loyalty between the spouses. These, we believe, will be essential for the success of our marriage and we commit ourselves to upholding these values as determining factors in our dealings with each other, as advised by the Qur’ān and the example of the Prophet Muhammad (s).

Furthermore, we commit ourselves to a spirit of openness, trust, strong communication and mutual consultation in our relationship. We will discuss key decisions fully, taking into consideration, among others, the personal, social and economic consequences thereof.

We commit ourselves to marriage and to relationship-building and strengthening, with the assistance of an outside party, if necessary.

Marriage needs to be a relationship free from abuse: physical, emotional or verbal. And we commit ourselves to building a relationship free of such abuse and one that allows us both to feel safe.

We agree to identify mutually agreed-upon spiritual, career and psychological goals and priorities and strive towards achieving these.

Our daily interactions with each other will be guided by the spirit of fairness, dignity and justice promoted by the Qur’ān and shown to us by the example of the Messenger of Allah, Muhammad (on whom be peace).

We will strive to ensure that our interactions with each other are in a spirit of
• Love, compassion and generosity
• Mutual respect and courtesy
• Openness and honesty
• Communicating freely and fully at all times
• With a willingness to learn from each other and from others
• Generously acknowledging each other’s love, support and achievements
• Having the humility and the courage to admit our mistakes and learn from them.

We understand marriage as being a relationship that should be free from abuse, of an emotional, physical, or verbal nature. We therefore undertake to refrain totally from abusive behaviour and speech toward each other, and to create an environment within which all members of our family will feel safe.

We agree that decisions will be made following a process of mutual consultation (shura) and agreement by both of us. All key decisions will be discussed fully, taking into consideration, amongst others, the social, economic, and academic consequences thereof.

We agree to identify and strive proactively and fully towards achieving mutually-agreed-upon spiritual, financial, career, and psychological goals and priorities, both in our individual and our joint capacities.

We commit ourselves to relationship building and developing a strong and faithful marriage.

We commit ourselves to healthy lifestyles regarding diet, exercise, and stress reduction, and are willing to obtain medical advice and feedback from time to time as a means of ensuring and sustaining our health.

Religious foundation of marriage

We commit ourselves to a life of ongoing learning and growing in understanding – of ourselves, each other, all those we interact with, all of creation, our Creator, and our religion, Islam.

We commit ourselves to creating a home environment which respects and fosters the spirit and message of Islam as upheld in the Qur’an and as demonstrated by Prophet Muhammad (on whom be peace) in his living.

Education

We will both endeavour to educate ourselves as much as is possible – both in terms of education related to our careers and in terms of Islamic education. Neither spouse will have the right to prevent the other from furthering her / his education; nor will either spouse place impediments in the path of the other if the latter seeks to further her / his education.

Marriage rights and responsibilities
Financial rights and obligations
Both of us have the right to seek and secure employment, to derive income from business or other investments, to save and invest our savings, and to develop our respective careers.

We commit ourselves to discussing from time to time, as required by our circumstances, a joint budget and financial plan that will be beneficial to our marriage, in the short and long terms.

We may retain individual bank accounts and have the right to manage and dispose of our individual finances and assets as we deem fit. Nevertheless, we agree that we will consult with each other before incurring any personal expenses that do not benefit the marriage.

Financial responsibilities will be determined and shared in a way that is mutually agreeable and equitable depending on our respective circumstances.

Domestic Responsibilities
We agree to share domestic responsibilities. While Amina will have overall responsibility of the household, it will not be the sole duty of either spouse to maintain an attractive domestic environment or to provide meals and, in general, to maintain the household.

Social relations
We shall strive to the best of our ability, at all times, to lead a full life – one that takes cognisance of the rights of others – interacting with and contributing to the wellbeing of the various communities we are part of and to society at large.

Respect
Respect is an essential ingredient of any marriage. We will at all times endeavour to respect each other’s humanity, intelligence and our respective families. We will thus give due and serious consideration to the words and actions of each other and other members of our family. Neither of us will have any right to physically, mentally or psychologically abuse the other, no matter what justification or rationalisation could be given for such action.

We both commit ourselves to providing a home environment where each of us is able to maintain her / his privacy.

We commit ourselves to building a respectful family environment where no disrespect is shown by any family member to another.

Sexual relations
Sexual relations will be consensual at all times and will, like all other relations in the marriage, be based on mutual trust and respect. We both agree to have an HIV/AIDS test before the wedding.

Polygamy
We both agree to have a monogamous marriage. Bilal agrees that he will not enter into additional polygamous marriages during the validity of this marriage. If he, however, decides to marry another woman, that decision will serve as grounds for Amina to immediately divorce Bilal.

Family obligations
We understand that, as a result of our marriage, we will both have new family structures to relate to. We commit ourselves to interacting with our respective spouse’s family with respect and kindness at all times.

Any decision regarding our living with any member or members of either family or their living with us will require the explicit consent of both of us. In making such decisions, due regard shall be given to the joint and separate responsibilities that we have, and the financial implications of such decisions.

Children
Amina accepts the responsibility for child-bearing and breastfeeding of our children. And, during this period, Bilal will solely be responsible for the material maintenance of the family and household.

We acknowledge that one spouse may take primary responsibility for acting as a child caregiver during the marriage, while the other spouse may assume the burden of support. Any such division of roles will be mutually-agreed to and neither partner will be treated as contributing any less to the family because of that spouse’s particular role. Both parents will play an active role in our children’s upbringing. We undertake to raise our children in an Islamic family environment, with Islam being the family religion and education of the children in Islam being a joint responsibility of both of us.

At the same time, we commit ourselves to the principle of religious understanding and undertake personally that we will respect, and teach our children to respect, other religious views and philosophies, both within Islam and without.

Divorce and related matters

Dispute resolution procedures and the initiation of divorce proceedings
A dispute will be deemed to have resulted during the marriage if either of us declares it to be so. In the event of such a dispute arising we will first use our ability to listen, communicate and learn to find an internal solution.

Both of us agree to allow the other to express any criticism or concern freely (provided it is done respectfully). We undertake not to be dismissive of the other’s concerns without first being self-critical and assessing the criticism or concern from the other’s point of view.

If we realize we are at fault in any way (and we may both be partially at fault), we undertake to acknowledge our faults honestly and fully and if either of us has learnt something beneficial from the other’s concerns we undertake to express our gratitude to the other for helping us see something about ourselves we might not otherwise have done.

If we are unable to resolve a dispute after reflecting, deeply engaging with each other, praying and asking our Creator for assistance, we will appoint a mutually acceptable facilitator or facilitators to mediate and possibly arbitrate (if mediation fails) in the dispute. Relationship-building and counselling may form part of this process.

If the dispute is of a nature that could lead to the termination of the marriage and counselling has not helped to resolve the dispute, before either of us decides to initiate divorce proceedings, we will make a final effort to save our marriage by undergoing a trial separation for a period of three months.

We will follow this procedure in respect of each such dispute. If, however, after this time (in respect of any such dispute) the marriage relationship still cannot be healed, then either of us may initiate divorce proceedings through a legal forum – which is the only forum that may validly terminate the marriage.

We pray that our marriage will not reach a stage where either of us will consider divorce as an option. Notwithstanding any contrary understanding of any law, we agree that both of us will have an equal right to initiate divorce proceedings and that these will be governed in accordance with the terms stipulated in this contract.

Bilal agrees to use the Islamic jurisprudential mechanism of talaq al-tafwid to delegate the right of talaq to Amina so that both of us will possess that right. Whichever of us initiates such proceedings, a procedure of three repudiations will require to be followed as described in the Qur’an in Surah Baqarah verses 228-232.

228. Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods. Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah Hath created in their wombs, if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.

229. A divorce is only permissible twice: after that, the parties should either hold Together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness. It is not lawful for you, (Men), to take back any of your gifts (from your wives), except when both parties fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah. If ye (judges) do indeed fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, there is no blame on either of them if she give something for her freedom. These are the limits ordained by Allah. so do not transgress them if any do transgress the limits ordained by Allah, such persons wrong (Themselves as well as others).

230. So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably), He cannot, after that, re-marry her until after she has married another husband and he has divorced her. In that case there is no blame on either of them if they re-unite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah, which He makes plain to those who understand.

231. When ye divorce women, and they fulfil the term of their (‘Iddat), either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms; but do not take them back to injure them, (or) to take undue advantage; if any one does that; He wrongs his own soul. Do not treat Allah.s Signs as a jest, but solemnly rehearse Allah.s favours on you, and the fact that He sent down to you the Book and Wisdom, for your instruction. And fear Allah, and know that Allah is well acquainted with all things.

232. When ye divorce women, and they fulfil the term of their (‘Iddat), do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms. This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is (the course Making for) most virtue and purity amongst you and Allah knows, and ye know not.

In addition, Amina will be able to exercise her right to khula’ by which she will be able to initiate a divorce subject to and by the return of the mahr to Bilal.

Amina will also be able to exercise her right to apply for a faskh to a judicial authority. Among other circumstances, a faskh could be used in cases which involve:
• any physical (threatened or actual) abuse,
• any infidelity, or
• severe or ongoing verbal or emotional abuse.
Such a divorce could be granted unopposed and no trial separation will be necessary.

In all of the three processes above (talaq, khula’ and faskh), a divorce will only be deemed to have been effected once presided over and allowed by a judicial authority that is agreed upon by us both.

Maintenance

Spousal maintenance and the maintenance of children will be determined in a fair and equitable manner at the time of divorce. If necessary, an arbitrator may be used to determine what a ‘fair and equitable’ resolution would be. The agreement will be in writing and binding.

Custody of minor children
The custody of minor children that might result from this marriage shall be determined according to the children’s best interests. Should the custody of children be contested, the matter shall be referred for dispute resolution as set out in this contract. If agreement is reached, this will be incorporated into an agreement which will be attached to the application for divorce.

Irrespective of who gets custody, there shall be no denial of reasonable visitation rights to the parent that is not granted custody.

If the marriage ends in divorce and a child or children have resulted from the marriage, both parents will be responsible for the financial maintenance of the child or children in proportion to their respective incomes at the time, taking into account the effect of the dissolution of marriage on the working lives of both parents.

Conclusion

We undertake to inspire each other to achieve the best that we are capable of.

May Allah grant us the wisdom, honesty, commitment and strength to make this marriage a successful one. And May He bless us with His Love and Mercy.

Signed on this, the 10 day of April 2009 in Cape Town, Republic of South Africa.

Bilal Randeree Amina Ebrahim

This marriage was solemnised on the 10th day of April 2009 at Gatesville Masjid, Gatesville, Cape Town, Republic of South Africa.