Life and Times Blog

Chat with Dude

Heres a Gchat I had with a homey.
Kay did a post, after I sent her this chat.

I pasted to word, did a find and repalce on the name of friend and replaced his name with Dude.

so its anon, but it happened.But i’ve edited it a bit.

10:35 PM well
its informed quite a bit by something i read about what Marx said about man being alienated from his work
when its an industrial/non-agrarian economy
its basically a thought on how
if we dont find support for our inclinations/preferences
10:36 PM which is simply put as, i think, “validation”
then we will feel lonely
and alienated
and i think i view the two words are different from one another
im not sure
im not sure about much
but this relates to what u say about
for a while i swung around to the meaning aspirations
10:37 PM but now i think im swinging back
u see
i think
that the psyche
i like what Maslow says
about hierarchy of needs
and man can only reach fulfillment
if he traverses stages
10:38 PM so the same with searching for meaning.i think we’re not all
built for wanting to contribute
in the sense of social impact.i think maybe some of us are looking for significance, not meaning.
(that just came to me)
so lets say i dont REALLY want to tutor kids to read but lets say
i do want to own sandton city
if i own sandton city
il kick out all the hawkers and people with jalopy cars
that will make me significant
and we could get semantic and say im still contributing somehow
10:40 PM but some folks ,most folks, talk about contribution
in terms of positive social outcomes
dude.: it doesnt need to be
me: and maybe what we’re really saying is that we want personal fulfiliment through some sense of significance
dude.: but one does have to have an idea for themself at least of how its a contribution.but that is the nafs.
me: contribution to what?
me: or who?
dude.: to the benefit of others (a community, a sibling, a friend,the social structure, informing a narrative of a civilization, your mother, the environment,Allah, anything other than yourself)

me: im not sure if i agree
i agree that this is where happiness wil come from, NO DOUBT..
everyone says so, everyone knows so
10:43 PM but i think that this whole thing im saying about the real desire being about achieving significance, is important in how it ties up to Maslows kind of concept
that unless and until
i can either achieve what im desiring
or perceiving myself to desire
or unless and until
i can truly sincerely purify that desire
10:44 PM then i will be unable to fully commit to achievement of contribution
10:45 PM maybe, to be cynical, in our circles , we buy into contribution like corporate aspirants buy into promotion.its the goal thats been set so we chase it,maybe, quite possibly, the real desire is self fulfilment of the desire to be of worldy consequence.
now thats important
cos if i just wana own sandton city
then spending my time trying to teach kids to read
will always still make me feel alienated from myself
so maybe i need to go and try to buy sandton city
10:46 PM and once i have bought it
then i will teach kids to read
without a sense of alienation/loneliness
or maybe
i will try and buy sandton city
and realise its empty
thus purifying myself of that desire
and so i will be able to teach kids better
dude.: part of mission and finding truth is the development of good, Allah inclined ambitions
me: ive never been a fan of folks talking about conitrbution or spirituality with zeal
me: mostly cos i have this doubt about my own sincerity.Zeal is sometimes narrow.Sometimes
but its not something u can easily force
these things must be organic,
not imposed, to be sustainable
10:48 PM dude.: naturally so. i read your thing on inner solo
its nice
10:49 PM me: now my rebuff to the piece on loneliness, was that we should not accept loneliness, and that the ppl around us, the work we do, where we live.these things help us attain to a sense of validaiton.and that valdation helps us climb up to the next level of who we can be.
its bullshit
that piece i wrote
dude.: ok
me: i had an anaolgy
that man is like a tree
there are roots
whence we come from
10:50 PM our parents
background etc
where we come from, background
which are not always easily visible
but play a critical role in who we stand as
then there are branches
and fruits,that which comes from us, which is more apparent than the roots
but ,
10:51 PM the deeper our roots
or rather
the thicker our stem
the higher we can grow
u know
u cut a trees bark
and count the number of rings
to see its age
it grows on itself
and a tree has xylem
10:52 PM which serves two functions, one is to transport water, which sustains it
and the other, is to prvde support
to give it rigidity
now, unless we find validaiton in those things closest to us, then we cannot sustain ourselves best,not have the best support for our structure
now this was a big mull about choosing a companion
as well as about work
dude.: lol
10:53 PM me: i will write a rebuff soon iA
dude.: iA
me: now
back to validation
i think its critical
i told u about UK guy
we click so well cos we have same world view
10:54 PM now sure, some folks say
u should have ppl that complement ur world view
not reflect it
that is healthy , true
but life, my life has shown me that
the sustainable stuff comes from folks who reinforce u
so the great friendships are with those who share my outlook
see, even socially, without that group that shares or validates or reinforces u
u feel lonely
10:55 PM all of us have hung with guys that are great guys
but not have the same outlook
if someone is a person that feels a sense of alienation from the world
(this is where it starts to get slippery)
then, in the long run, they will find great friendships
with others who feel that same sense of alienation
10:56 PM dude.: many of our great okes do have similar outlook i think
dude.: i agree
me: its a way of looking at the world that made us want to contribute
and that process
not the act or desire of contribution
but the billions of synapses about everything
and finding ppl with whom u find comfort
in similar cause circles
is no accident
it is not the cause or the mission in itself
that speaks to the fact that they really have great relationsips
its not the cause of contribution
that makes us like each other
10:57 PM its a few steps before that
(or is that obvious?)
that makes us like each other
so within contribution too, if I choose micro-enterprise or waqf
i’m closer, more validated to the other guy who chooses that too.
Not because of that on its own, but in the broader scheme of shared
outlooks that led us there.
If you choose journalism or tutoring, we’re close but not as close as the other
dude.: yes
its obvious
10:58 PM what u are talking about in beginning of this painful typing experience
is that of personal fulifilment
call it spiritual achievement
or self actualisation
its about finding your way home to essence
and that requires certain scaffolding to help u climb there
work and spouse being central to that big xylem cylinder
and then further out
10:59 PM books u read
social circles
( ie other stuff i cant think of)
so, i dont know if contribution
is the crux of it
some greek dude said
happiness comes from doing good things well
i buy that completely
I don’t really buy that owning sandton city thing personally
but I mentioned it as an exercise in questioning our driving motive
is it contribution or significance?
the cause doesn’t change the fact
but understanding the cause helps us perform better
11:00 PM
u know how things used to work out in olden times?
me: with arranged marriages?
there are many reasons
me: for those relationships working out
but i believe one reason
me: is that those arrangements were made on the basis of common backgrounds
dude.: a lot of this rabble is about how to be happy
screw that
just do whats right
but i get it
it has to be about how to be happy
11:02 PM esp in seeing the world from a spouse finding paradigm
me: but not JUST spouse paradigm
i read a life and times a few months ago that i sent out when i just got to london
and in it
i said two most important things in a person life
is spouse
and the work u do
11:03 PM so its both those
and yes, both those are challenges i face right now
but i want to talk about happiness in the context of lonliness and alienation
me: alienation is the term i will use to make it less mushy
dude: *censored *
1:05 PM me: fuck man
that cuts me
thats why im heistant to write a rebuff
not much galls me more to hear that
but with u saying it, i have to hink hard about it
more thinking
11:06 PM dude.: galls
nice word
11:07 PM me: il try to simplify
11:08 PM dude.: lol
me: but i think folks buying into a writing about loneliness
so eagerly
is just wrong
it just aint right man
but its a reality
we live lies
we are forced to live lives that mean we take situations that alienate us
me: but where we can
we must find those xylem strands that help us expand our base
11:11 PM now, a moslem should just say
God is that Chief Xylem strand
but i assume thats implicit, and a little oversimplifying.
all of life and the self is about God.ALL OF IT.
And strength or weakness,of the self,
or success and failure in life, that all affects
relationship with God.


February 20, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments


Comfort makes you lose your edge. Comfort with what you know, or what you can do, comfort sometimes means you stop learning, observing, improving. You figure you know it. The game gets bigger, or changes, and everything always changes, you stay where you are.So you fall behind.
But of course self-development shouldn’t just be an egotistical/self-absorbed process.
Oh, wait, this sounds familiar, tortoise and the rabbit? Damn. Nothing is ever original.

Stay alert, stay alive. Comfort can kill you. Ganelo Banelo. For those in the know.

January 30, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Kareem Salama

From Wiki:
Kareem Salama is known as the first American Muslim country music-western singer. His music is in fact a hybrid of country, pop and rock music. Salama was born and raised in Oklahoma

Lyrics of “Brothers in Passing” ( YouTube:
He was a soldier who’d only been married 2 or 3 years ago
And he put his hands on her knees that night and he said “I gotta go”
She said “Why would you leave this home and me? I thought I was your baby girl”
And he wiped away the tears from her eyes and said “They’re sending me to save the world.
And you know I love and I pray to God that He’ll join us once again
But now it’s time for the simple man to be one of the few good men

‘Cause Baby, I’m a soldier, and I hear those trumpets calling again
And our kings and queens are saying this is a fight we must win
For truth and justice, and for the way we live our life
And Baby, I’m a soldier. In front of God, I swore I would, I would fight”

Across the ocean and miles away, there stood another man
Eighteen years, huggin’ his mama, sayin’ “I’ll defend this land”
Mama held her baby and cried and clutched him, tellin’ him not to leave
She said “What will I do without my baby boy? Son, I’m beggin’ you, please”
He said “I love you, Mama, but duty calls. I’ll write you everyday”
She said “I lost your daddy like this, and I don’t wanna lose you this way”

“‘Cause Mama, I’m a soldier, and I hear those trumpets calling again
And our kings and queens are saying this is a fight we must win
For truth and justice, and for the way we live our life
And Mama, I’m a soldier. In front of God, I swore I would, I would fight”

Well, the battle raged, and shots rang out, and the two men fell to the ground
And they look into the eyes of each other, and were shocked at what they found
One man saw the mother of the other in that young man’s eyes
And the other man saw the crying and screams of the other man’s beloved wife
And the two men stared across that smoky field and whispered to each other
“Maybe you weren’t the demon they said. Maybe you were really my brother
But I’m glad we’re passing because I don’t think that I could forgive myself
For fighting you, but maybe God will, and we can leave together in bliss

‘Cause ladies, we were soldiers, and we heard those trumpets calling again
And tell the kings and queens that sometimes there are fights no one wins
But we know for sure that there’s evil out there we must fight
But please be sure that this is one of those times
And please be sure to remember my mama and wife
And please be sure to think of my brother on the other side”

Lyrics of “My Way Home” ( Couldn’t find the tune online, but I have it on mp3 )

And I’ll keep saying the same prayers over again ’till I’m withered and gone
And I’ll keep playing the same record in my head ’till I find my way home

Well, I learned
There’s much to learn when I yearn
When I cry
When I feel like I wanted to die
And I felt
How much memories hurt
When the years have worn on and the future’s unsure
And the world feels black and I can’t
And I can’t go back and make things right
And I’m scared that I might not live to tonight
But after a time I remember I can go back home


Well, I know
There’s much to know
As I grow from the past
Like the moon comes to bloom and then fades on at last
And I know there’s a change in the season
And I know there’s always a change for a reason
And I handle the seasons
Of my life
It was winter before, but he’s gotta go
And only God knows what tomorrow will hold
So after a time I remember I can go back home


I’m up, I’m down, I’m happy, I’m hurt
A prince amongst men, and I lay in the dirt
It really don’t matter, I really don’t care
As long as I know that You’ll be there

January 25, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | | 4 Comments


I never did get classical music, but The Nooj introduced me to some damn good stuff, including the musical style called the Sonata Defn:”Instrumental genre in several movements for soloist or small ensemble.” as well as the Adagio: a composition played in adagio tempo (slowly and gracefully).

There’s a piece called Adagio for Strings.
It was on this album she passed on, I gave her Sh Hamza Yusuf, she gave me music, for the record…
This Adagio for Strings, it really is quite good. I was so impressed I Googled it and this is one thing that was written about it:

“You never are in any doubt about what this piece is about, says music historian Barbara Heyman. “There’s a kind of sadness and poetry about it. It has a melodic gesture that reaches an arch, like a big sigh… and then exhales and fades off into nothingness.”

A YouTube clip can be found here:

The link plays the tune against the backdrop of a poem, to make it ULTRA cheesy.But great nonetheless.Listen “slowly” though. There’s a part when it goes crazy intense. Then it just falls.And starts again, slowly. The audio I have is only about 5 mins long, the YouTube clip pasted is way too long, 10mins! But worth it. Be patient.But really rather try to get the shorter clip.

As for the Sonata, also from Nooj’s album (titled: Best Classical Album in the World), this one is ok: , by Beethoven.

But this other Sonata is really good, by some Satie dude, described as:

The melodies of the pieces use deliberate, but mild, dissonances against the harmony, producing a piquant, melancholy effect that matches the performance instructions, which are to play each piece “slowly”, “dolorously” or “gravely”

Listen here:

The nice thing about this last one by Satie, is the simplicity. It’s a SOLO act. Simple AND Solo.
I really like it.
Try and listen to it, forget the unpopular connotations of high brow classical stuff, it’s just a really good tune.
I don’t know much, and don’t intend to learn more about classical music deliberately, but these are just great tunes.

And for a blast from the past, here’s a tune I recalled recently with some old friends, can’t beat it for swagger and for schooldays nostalgia, HOTStEppER: another:

And if you’re still reading, I just want to take this opportunity to tell you all that I think iTunes SUCKS.
And if there’s any niche thing you’re into, that you’re willing to share, please do. Even at the high risk of me not getting it.

If you’re budgeting on bandwith, just watch the Satie clip, the Piano sonata.
If you’re NOT budgeting on bandwith check these two movie clips out, by Al Pacino:
Scent of a Woman –> Integrity
Any Given Sunday –> Life’s a game of inches

(I’ve had a 2 gig data bundle for the last few months).

January 24, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

2009 reads

I tried to think of the books I read in 2009, I couldn’t come up with a full list.
Below I have included some excerpts I Googled from 3 that I enjoyed. Others that i enjoyed, but haven’t pasted excerpts were White Tiger, and Road to Makkah.

1984 by George Orwell
“The thought police would get him just the same. He had committed–would have committed, even if he had never set pen to paper–the essential crime that contained all others in itself. Thoughtcrime, they called it. Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you.”
“Your worst enemy, he reflected, was your nervous system. At any moment the tension inside you was liable to translate itself into some visible symptom.”

“The horrible thing about the Two Minutes Hate was not that one was obliged to act a part, but that it was impossible to avoid joining in.Within thirty seconds any pretence was always unnecessary. A hideous ecstasy of fear and vindictiveness, a desire to kill, to torture, to smash faces in with a sledge hammer, seemed to flow through the whole group of people like an electric current, turning one even against one’s will into a grimacing, screaming lunatic. And yet the rage that one felt was an abstract, undirected emotion which could be switched from one object to another like the flame of a blowlamp.”

“He wondered, as he had many times wondered before, whether he himself was a lunatic. Perhaps a lunatic was simply a minority of one.”

“Confession is not betrayal. What you say or do doesn’t matter: only feelings matter. If they could make me stop loving you—that would be the real betrayal.”
She thought it over. “They can’t do that,” she said finally. “It’s the one thing they can’t do. They can’t make you believe it. They can’t get inside you.”
“No,” he said a little more hopefully, “no; that’s quite true. They can’t get inside you. If you can feel that staying human is worth while, even when it can’t have any result whatever, you’ve beaten them.”

“We do not destroy the heretic because he resists us: so long as he resists us we never destroy him. We convert him, we capture his inner mind, we reshape him. We burn all evil and all illusion out of him; we bring him over to our side, not in appearance, but genuinely, heart and soul. We make him one of ourselves before we kill him.”

“Doublethink” is the major way the Partycontrols its members. Through “doublethink,” people consciously accept anything the Party tells them, even if it contradicts something they already know. Furthermore, they consciously suppress any thought or information that goes against anythingthe Party says. To complete the cycle, they must forget that they have even used doublethink.”

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
“Community, Identity, Stability”

“You all remember, I suppose, that beautiful and inspired saying of Our Ford’s: History is bunk.”

“Ending is better than mending. The more stitches, the less riches.”

“The mockery made him feel an outsider; and feeling an outsider he behaved like one, which increased the prejudice against him and intensified the contempt and hostility aroused by his physical defects. Which in turn increased his sense of being alien and alone. A chronic fear of being slighted made him avoid his equals, made him stand, where his inferiors were concerned, self-consciously on his dignity.”

“When the individual feels, the community reels.”

Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn’t nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.”

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance By Robert Pirsig (Only got halfway through this one, then got tired…)
“The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there.”

“Like those in the valley behind us, most people stand in sight of the spiritual mountains all their lives and never enter them, being content to listen to others who have been there and thus avoid the hardships.”

“In the high country of the mind one has to become adjusted to the thinner air of uncertainty…”

“For every fact there is an infinity of hypotheses. ”

“If someone’s ungrateful and you tell him he’s ungrateful, okay, you’ve called him a name. You haven’t solved anything.”

“To live only for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top.”

“If your mind is truly, profoundly stuck, then it might be much better off than when it was loaded with ideas”

“Stuckness shouldn’t be avoided. It’s the physic predecessor of all real understanding.”

January 21, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Dakar Rally

The Dakar rally doesn’t get as much coverage as other motorsport events, but it definately is one of the most interesting sporting events in the world. This years 17 day event ended on the 16th January.
From Wiki:

The Dakar Rally is an annual rally raid type of off-road automobile race. The distances of each stage covered vary from short distances up to 800–900 kilometres per day.

The race originated in 1978, a year after racer Thierry Sabine got lost in the desert and decided that it would be a good location for a regular rally.

The three major competitive groups in the Dakar are the bike class, the car class, and the T4 truck class.
The total racing distance was 9,030 kilometres (5,610 mi) for cars and trucks, and 8,937 kilometres (5,553 mi) for bikes and ATVs. Of the fourteen stages, seven were in Argentina, and seven in Chile.

Passage from an article from the Telegraph:

Death and this race are not strangers. In its 30-year history the Dakar has claimed the lives of 51 riders, back-up personnel and spectators or other innocent bystanders.
For the participants the entire raison d’etre is to take themselves out of their comfort zones and visit areas – geographical, physical and mental – that they have never been to before and, occasionally, which mankind itself has never visited.

The Daker is ‘out there’, extreme and edgy. And unless human nature itself changes, it, or a race like it, will always exist. The thrill of living to tell the tale will never diminish.

From goafrica website:
The Danger
It isn’t called an extreme race for nothing. Every year people get lost or killed during the race. Some major incidents that made headline news include:
1982 Mark Thatcher (Prime Minister Margaret Thatchers son) got lost for 6 days in the desert.
1988 DAF the leading truck (which was also beating every car at the time) crashed and killed a driver.
2005 Two of the top motorcyclists to compete in the rally died within 2 days of one another.
2006 Australian KTM motorcyclist Andy Caldecott, in his third time in the Dakar, died as a result of injuries after a crash. 2 young spectators were also killed in the latter stages of the rally.
2007 2 motorcyclists died, a South African crashed in the 4th stage and a Frenchman died of heart failure during the 14th stage.

Some pics from

BMW's driver France's Stephane Peterhansel and co-driver Jean-Paul Cottret cross a valley during the seventh stage of the Argentina-Chile Dakar Rally 2010 between Iquique and Antofagasta, Chile, Friday, Jan. 8, 2010. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) #

Russia's Leonid Novitskiy crosses dunes in his BMW during the 7th stage of the Dakar 2010, between Iquique and Antofagasta, Chile, on January 8, 2010. (GABRIEL BOUYS/AFP/Getty Images) #

An aerial view shows the site where a Robinson 44 helicopter crashed in Fiambala, Catamarca province, January 4, 2010. The pilot, co-pilot and two reporters who were following the Dakar Rally sustained injuries when their helicopter crashed, local media reported. (REUTERS/Gendarmeria/Handout) #

A racer crosses desert terrain in stage six of the Argentina-Chile Dakar Rally 2010 between Antofagasta and Iquique, Chile, Thursday, Jan. 7, 2010. (AP Photo/Natacha Pisarenko) #

January 20, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | 2 Comments


Theres a word in Memon, “Goriyo”,(pronounced Gore, Ri, Yoh) taught to me by a friend, Kabir. More or less means ” To hell with it”, implying, “Agh, let it go”.
Words are odd, somehow summarising that phrase, that concept, into one word makes it more powerful.

You lose something, Goriyo.(let it go).
You fail at something, Goriyo.(let it go).
Someone annoys you about something, Goriyo.(let it go).

Its fairly easy on the small stuff, but on the bigger happenings in life, submitting to Divine Decree when it clashes with personal preference, planning, pondering’s, isn’t so easy. But we assume that by exercising it on the small stuff, perhaps we’ll expand our capacity to apply it to the big whacks.

A friend of a friend had a similar mechanism, he said that whenever his wife or mother or some other authority figure busted his chops about something, he put it in a box. The “F*@! it Box”.
Same concept.

I guess it ties in strongly with the ayah: Innalillahi wa Innailayhi Raji ‘oon.
“To God we belong and to him we return”, everything between birth and this eventual, certain event, we should try and treat lightly.Goriyo.Let it go.

Al Pacino said something similar in his closing scene in Devils Advocate, he said “Guilt is like a bag of bricks, you just got to let it down”.
I disagree, I think some forms of guilt are good, to hold close, to keep you vigilant and humble and therefore steady/sober.
But the concept, of some things being like bags of bricks you carry around with you, is powerful.
You just have to reach a point where you can say “Goriyo”, more than say it, feel it.

As usual, as I type this I’m formulating counter arguments against this.
There is plenty you should not just “let go”.
But you’re all a smart bunch, you’ll draw your own lines. There are some things you should chip away at, be it inch by inch or boulder by boulder.Where you can, you must. But always keep in mind, that once the battle is done, the dust is settled, if you find yourself on an empty field at that point, after putting all the lessons in your pocket, after blue printing the platform for the next plan, take the loss and throw it in into the wind. Goriyo.

Now, I must be quite Frank, or Earnest, or both, and say that I don’t do this Goriyo thing all that well.
On the small stuff I’m ok, but on the big ones, shucks, theres still a long way to go.A lot of it just turns into a mental ricochet, a ricochet that bounces off spiralled walls.

But perhaps some day, I’ll be better at it.

December 29, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

A salute, not a tribute

A friend of mine told me last night he wants to learn to play chess.
It was a long 30 minute drive home after that.

My late Uncle O taught me to play chess. I must have been 8, or 10, or somewhere there. It takes a special man to be willing to have the patience to teach a kid how to throw a ball, let alone chess.

He had this electronic chess board, the type that hot shot enthusiasts use to play against themselves.
So I now knew how to play chess, I whipped out his electronic board. I broke his electronic board.I tried to unbreak his electronic board, which obviously meant I broke it more.

Of course he discovered it, of course he knew it was me.He never mentioned it.

That’s grace in teaching me. That’s style in never mentioning the spilt milk. That’s the kind of echoing score that wins you prayers long after you’re gone.

I’m sure there was plenty else like that, but this one I remember.

October 24, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 6 Comments

SUB *conscious*

It’s a popular term: Subconscious.
It’s a freaky concept.Sub (under) Conscious (awareness).

It’s almost an oxymoron. If something is BELOW our consciousness, how can it ever be a part of it. We can’t be held responsible for it. Does it even exist until it manifests itself? If it doesn’t, then at the point it manifests itself is the point at which it becomes consciousness.
This isn’t mere semantics, I’m basing it on the way I use the term, and have heard the term used.

I just find it very unsettling that my mind is off doing things without letting me know about it, leaving me to deal with its consequences without being either responsible for its roots, or aware of its remedy.

I wish it would just speak up, let itself be known. (or do I SUB—-CONSCIOUSLY want it to remain elusive, so I can always wonder? I wonder….)
I think the concept is a tidy to way to explain away our shortcomings. I like it.

I Googled it, to make sure I wasn’t making any obvious, stupid error in this, which I am prone to do, more than prone, predisposed even. (see theres my subconscious, subconsciously I WANT to make stupid errors to validate this claim of my clumsiness, and to invite comment)
Old Freud seemed to agree that it was abused:

“If someone talks of subconsciousness, I cannot tell whether he means the term topographically — to indicate something lying in the mind beneath consciousness — or qualitatively — to indicate another consciousness, a subterranean one, as it were. He is probably not clear about any of it. The only trustworthy antithesis is between conscious and unconscious.”

So when I make errors, or realise too late the things I want or need, or don’t, I can just fall back and pin it on a reason related to poor communication from the sub-conscious.

But what if it DOES exist, and it IS real, then its of key importance that I knock that damn door down and access it before future mistakes, delays.

This isn’t a psych essay, I don’t know where dreams come from (answer to Shafinaaz).

There’s definately something beyond our immediate perception, something internal, but it sure is a major bummer if its so important yet remains hidden.

August 5, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | 6 Comments

Is it what it is?

I wrote this after reading a post by Shafinaaz, to be found here.
I wonder about how virtual personas, actual virtual conversations, really differ from the real life versions. My immediate thought was that the real life version had to be the more real version, as it didn’t offer the opportunity to “adjust”, its immediate, unlike the virtual.
But a second thought was that in the real life version, there is more noise too, more clouding of the real by perception, possibly less honesty of the individual due to personal shyness, or expressiveness.
Maybe the virtual offers a person to be more honest and brave, maybe that moment to adjust allows more honesty, better expressed.

I still wonder, I now try to draw whatever I see in the virtual that I dont see in the real, into the real.To test if it is there, and I just need to break some boundary with the person in the flesh, that has already been erased in the virtual.
I don’t like dichotomy’s, and I feel uneasy walking away from a real encounter, feeling that it didn’t match to the virtual.

I still don’t know which is the more true, and to an extent I wonder if perhaps I shouldn’t seek some harmony. That perhaps even if there is no harmony, I can still appreciate the virtual persona in itself, aside from the real.
Of course harmony would be best. There are real people that I don’t have virtual interactions with, whose company I treasure, why not the inverse. Virtual persona’s and people who’s real company I never partake of.

Knee jerk is to say that’s dangerous, that the real must always triumph, I don’t deny that, I’m not saying erase the real, I would even say prioritise the real a very very long way ahead of the virtual, but I am saying that the virtual has a value in itself, as a seperate entity. Gmail chat buddies, Facebook personalities, Twitter updaters, bloggers…

I don’t which is more real though, I do know I prefer the real, because its more emotionally real.More human.I also know that I enjoy the virtual.Not in spite of what it lacks from the real, but maybe because of it.And yes, I know that’s dangerous, because it may mean eventually I withdraw from the real, but I am vigilant around that, and as I said, I PREFER the real.

I’m waiting for my third thought on the matter, which may flip the first two.

July 18, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments